Attrition
by RebelWade
Summary: My take on Regina's reaction to Zelena/Marian's pregnancy, beginning with the scene with Robin at the bar in episode 4x21-Mother and the story takes a life of it's own after that. First fic. Be kind and patient as I figure out how this all works! :) Rated M for language and sexual situations. Outlaw Queen. OQ. Also explores Swan Queen friendship.
1. Ruined

I don't know what I'm doing here, why I agreed to this. I stare mindlessly at my glass, knowing that looking at him will just make the pain more intense. My chest is heavy and my stomach feels like it has hot needles jabbing me in the deepest parts of my gut.

We sit and drink in silence.

I'm done. I can't believe I've been spending all this time trying to find my way to him, find a way to fix us, and all the while, he was screwing _her._

My throat tightens as I hold back tears. I have to say something. The silence is driving me crazy. _Stay calm. Don't blow up. Not here._

I take a breath and stare ahead, "So," I say.

"Yeah," Robin replies.

"So you've moved on… with her." The tightness is my throat becomes sore.

"That's not fair," Robin pleads, "you understood. You agreed."

I can't help but to shake my head and let out a small huff in disbelief, looking down at my hands that hold on to the gin I wish I could hook up to an IV right about now. He's right. Not only did I agree, I suggested. I told him he had to leave with her. I should have seen it. I should have known something was off. I was too clouded by my feelings for Robin and everything that was pushing me to do the "right thing". Damn this whole "redemption" thing. Where has it gotten me?

Of course. Of course this would be my fault. Everything I touch falls apart. And yet I can't help but feel this unbearable sense of betrayal. I breathe deeply, looking down to hide the tears welling up in my eyes.

"Yeah, well you sure moved on real quickly after you stepped over that town line. How long did it take you to forget about me and jump into bed with Zelena?"

"Regina, I had no idea she was—"

"It doesn't matter, Robin!" I yell and finally look at him. His eyes are full of pain and longing, but I'm too hurt to care. He told me that he chose me. He loved me and wanted me. But as soon he left Storybrooke I was nothing to him. He slept with another woman. Whether it was Zelena or Marian doesn't make a difference to me right now. He didn't believe in me. Of all people, _he_ lost hope.

My hands shake.

"I have to go." I can't look at him anymore. I get up and move quickly to the door.

"Regina, wait! Please!" I hear him search frantically for money in his pocket to pay the bar tender, and I know I have some time to get away. I'm walking past the bar when he catches up with me, much more quickly than I thought possible. I gasp as he pulls me into an alley between the bar and his apartment building where Emma and Lilly are supposed to meet us any minute.

My back hits the brick wall on the side of the building, away from the view of passersby on the sidewalk. Robin's strong hands are clasped onto each shoulder, holding me still against the wall, I assume so I'm forced to listen to him.

"Look at me, Regina," Robin's voice is strained, but demanding. I can't bring myself to look at him though. Everything about him hurts me. His smell is no longer foresty, but more muggy, like a mixture of the city and sweat. The skin of my sister now taints his familiar hands that once brought me comfort and warmth _._

"No. Get your hands off me," I say, with as much disgust as I can muster.

"Not until you look at me," he responds.

I'm regretting coming to a land without magic right now. Every one of my instincts wants to vanish in a purple cloud of smoke and end up somewhere remote, where I can be alone.

Still pinned to the wall by Robin's strength, I bring my head up, but veer my eyes down the alley, unable to bring myself to look directly at him.

"I didn't move on so quickly," he says quietly, tears welling up in my eyes once more, "I never moved on."

I let out an exasperated laugh that he doesn't acknowledge.

"I have lived every day since I left you in Storybrooke with the guilt that I couldn't force myself to love my _wife_ more than the woman who saved her."

I keep staring down the alley, unable to speak. I can't listen to this, but I also suddenly don't want to move away from him.

"I've lived with the guilt that as I share a bed with my wife, I can't get my queen's dark eyes and menacing smile out of my mind."

His hand traces my jaw. I feel him inching closer and I seem to need deeper breaths.

"The guilt that I cringed at her touch while I longed every day to put my hands on your skin again. Touch you. Kiss you."

I can't breath. My heart is jumping out of my chest. I turn my head to look at him as the pit in my stomach grows, but my desire for him begins to overcome the pain. Our eyes lock.

"I could never and will never just _move on_ from you, Regina," he says as he brings a finger to my cheek and absorbs a tear. I'm not even sure when that got there. "You've ruined me. Everything about you consumes me even when you're miles away. My heart will always belong to you no matter how hard either of us tries, so please… Don't run away from me. Not now that we have a chance."

I stare at him, searching for words, but I can't seem to put any sounds together to form them. For a moment, everything fades away and I'm just standing with Robin, _my Robin,_ the man I've missed and dreamed of since that awful day we said goodbye. I realize that my hand, at some point, made it's way to Robin's chest. Holding his gaze, I slide my hand up toward his neck to pull him towards me, my lips eager to reunite with his.

"Regina? Everything okay?"

Everything crashes back down at the sound of Emma's voice. She and Lilly stand on the sidewalk at the opening of the alley, Zelena sports an annoyed look while handcuffed behind them. Emma hold's Roland on one hip and looks over at me protectively. She's annoying like that, it should be obvious that I can protect myself, but it's also nice to have someone care about you, I could probably even call her a friend. I'd never admit that to her, though.

I remember every detail of why we're here and come back down to earth. "No," I say, "nothing is okay, but we should go. It's getting late." Robin's grip finally loosens and I walk toward the others. I hear him quietly whisper my name as he realizes the moment is gone. I can't believe I let myself get caught up with him so easily. How stupid am I? I just want to get home.

"Let's go."


	2. Girl's Night

When we get back to Storybrooke, Emma and I busy ourselves as we find a place for Zelena in the mental ward and find rooms at Granny's for the others. Even that little bit of activity was nice as it kept my mind off Robin. Once everyone is settled in, I walk out of the diner and head home, eager to shower this day away. I look at my watch. _How is it only 8:00?_

I hear the diner door open again, "Regina, hold up!" Emma shouts as she makes her way toward me.

I sigh and keep walking. "We've done what we need to do, Swan. Take your pep talks elsewhere."

"No pep talk, just a crazy idea. Can you slow down for a minute?" I realize she sounds winded.

I turn around and let her catch up. She stops and rests with her hands on her knees, breathless.

"How you walk so fast in those heels is beyond me," she says.

My eyes roll involuntarily. "What do you want, Swan?"

"Look," she says, "this has been a long trip for both of us. We both need a break and we both need to drink ourselves to oblivion before we start our day tomorrow and face all this shit we have to deal with."

I couldn't agree more. "You don't think that's exactly what I intend on doing? Good night, Emma." I start walking again, but I'm held back by Emma's hand around my elbow.

"Wait…" she has more to say? For Christ's sake, why won't this woman just let me go home and drink? "I think, given the circumstances," she continues, "it might be safer if we both had some company. How about a girl's night? Henry is with my parents, and I know you have tons of booze in that mansion of yours."

I know what she's doing. She wants me to think _she_ needs the company, but she's actually worried that I will do something irrational, maybe even… evil. And while I'm annoyed that she thinks I need a babysitter, I also welcome the distraction.

"What do you think?" Emma asks after I think it over. "I could really use a drink right now."

"Fine," I finally answer, "but I'm not slowing down for your light-weight ass and you'd better not puke on anything."

"I can hold my liquor!" She protests. I doubt it.

…

11pm rolls around and I'm on my fourth glass of wine after six (seven?) shots of tequila. I'm sitting on the floor of the dining room laughing as Emma test out the _slipperiness_ of her socks. She runs from the other side of the hallway and brings her feet together after several paces, sliding and toppling over my shoes, which I had kicked off in the middle of the hallway at some point.

My head rolls back and I clutch my stomach with laughter as she crashes to the floor and I hand her drink to her when she sits up. We lean against the wall laughing and drinking.

"You're an idiot, Swan," I laugh.

"I really thought I could get over… all the way to the thing…" she slurs, "that statue, thingy."

I look over at what she's pointing at. "The lamp?" I ask, smiling. Feeling dizzy. Feeling good.

"THE LAMP!" She exclaims loudly, as if she's relieved to have remembered the word.

We laugh again and neither of us seems eager to leave the floor. We lean against the wall and quiet down for the first time since we started drinking. Emma's been a great drinking buddy, good at distracting me. But now I feel like talking about him. The wine must be getting to me. I always talk too much when I'm under the influence.

"We had really fucking good sex, you know…" I say. I have no idea why that just came out of my mouth, but I'm feeling nice and boozy so I don't exactly care. I can't stop thinking about him.

"Who?" she asks, "you and Robin? Like before Marian came back?"

"Uhh… Actually, no." My face scrunches in anticipation of her judgment. "We kinda slept together when she was under the Snow Queen's curse… when she was frozen."

There's a pause and I wait for her speech about how he was still married and how we didn't know then that she was Zelena. How I should have been smarter than to sleep with a married man while his wife was fighting for her life. But suddenly she bursts into laughter instead. I look up at her with a smile and laugh with her.

"No way! That's too good!" she says, her eyes look back at me with interest, like she wants to know more. "Where? Here? Your office? _The woods?!"_

"God, no!" I choke. "Who do you think I am, one of Snow's filthy munchkins? It was in the vault. He came in saying he couldn't stay away from me and it just happened… Twice."

I look over at Emma and she's listening carefully, intrigued, so I continue. I know I'm just rambling my thoughts but I can't stop. Damn alcohol. I know I'm going to regret everything I'm saying in the morning.

"I was wearing that red sleeveless dress." I recalled.

"Oh, nice!" Emma adds, "You look good in that one."

"I look good in everything!" I object.

"Right, sorry. Continue. Red dress…"

"Thank you," I say matter-of-factly as I resume my story. "He kissed me unexpectedly and I couldn't stop myself. I wanted him so badly. He eventually moved me to the end of the vault until my back hit the wall. He turned me around to unzip my dress, pulling it down only half way. He had this animal need for me. Didn't have enough patience to get the dress all the way off."

"God, that's hot." I hear Emma say, but I'm too caught up in my memories to acknowledge her.

"I remember getting so wet when he turned me back to face him and roughly pulled the cups of my bra down so he could suck on my breasts. That was the point of no return. I waved my hand and made a bed appear and we spent the rest of the night and the next morning together."

I remember where I am and look at Emma's wide, intrigued eyes. _God I need to get laid._ Maybe that will release some of this pent up frustration.

"Sounds like a great night," Emma says.

"Yeah," I say, realizing that I want to change the subject. "So what about you and Captain Guy Liner? How do you even do it with his… " I make a hook gesture with my hand.

She laughs, "Oh, we make it work. It's never been a problem at all, actually."

"Yeah, well I guess he's had a lot of practice," I say, before I realize that's probably not something Emma wants to hear. I look at her and see her nose crinkled like she's disgusted. "Sorry," I offer, "It just came out."

Emma smiles kindly, "It's okay, and I definitely know he's… been around. I'd just rather not think about it."

That pain in my stomach returns. "I know the feeling."

After a moment of silence, Emma speaks up again, but the conversation has sobered me up too much to listen to her poor reasoning. "He loves you, Regina," she says, "I know this sucks, but he—"

"I'm going to bed," I interrupt, "sleep wherever you want, just don't sweat too much and ruin any of my couches."

"Yes ma'am," she says, loaded with sarcasm, "good night, _your majesty."_

"Shut up, Emma."

I walk up to my room and crash on my bed. I sink into the mattress and as soon as I close my eyes I start spinning. This is not going to feel good tomorrow.


	3. Betrayal

I walk toward Zelena's room in the mental hospital to explain the conditions she is under while in Dr. Whale's care. The air gets colder in the lower floors of the building and the clicking of my shoes resonates through the hallways with each step on the concrete floor. A strange discomfort in my spine creeps up toward my neck as I inch closer to my sister's new residence. A sick feeling in my stomach and tension in my neck gives me the sense that something is wrong. Zelena is the last person I want to see, I knew that before coming here, but there's something else. I feel nauseous.

I arrive at my destination and stare at the black paint on the thick door. There's a lump in my throat and my jaw is sore from clenching it. I shake my head in confusion at my own anxiety. _This isn't right,_ I think, but I don't know why. I reach for the doorknob. Something in the back of my mind tells me not to go in, that I'll regret walking through this door, but my body keeps moving forward. I turn the handle.

I swing the door open and nausea turns into rage. Heat replaces the prickly cold of the basement as fire gathers in my hands and power overwhelms every inch of my body. Without thinking, the fire is no longer in my possession, but launching toward Zelena's bed where Robin's naked body lies over my sister in a passionate pursuit of ecstasy. Zelena's eyes glare at me with satisfied malice. Her lips curl into a smile as she she's my distress.

 _What did she do to him? How did she seduce him into this? Is he under a spell? Or is he really a lying bastard who sleeps with any woman who will put out?!_

Robin jumps to his feet and they both move when they realize their bed is in flames. I summon my power to pick Zelena up by the throat and squeeze firmly, never breaking eye contact. Robin runs up to me on my right, yelling something, but a sharp ringing in my ears prevents me from hearing his screams and petty pleas. I use my free hand to throw him to the wall behind me, throwing the flaming bed after him to cage him into the corner. _I'll deal with him after I incinerate this witch_. A loud buzzing sound accompanies the ringing in my ears and makes my head throb. Brightness comes out of nowhere and I have to shield my eyes. White light consumes the room. I can no longer focus my gaze on my victim. I close my eyes tightly. The buzzing won't stop. I'm shaking, trembling. I can't take it! What the hell is—

"Regina! Regina!"

When I open my eyes again, I'm back in my room, my sheets soaked in sweat. I wake up to my alarm and an infuriating blonde who opened my curtains to let the morning light in, and who is apparently under the assumption that it's perfectly fine to be nudging me back and forth to wake me.

"Emma, if you don't stop I'm going to magic you straight through the window you clearly think is so important to look out of at 7am." I roll over to turn off the alarm and notice a cup of coffee and two aspirin on my nightstand. Even more annoying than the brightness of the room is the fact that Emma somehow managed to wake up, make coffee, _and_ do something thoughtful this early in the morning. Maybe she handles her liquor better than I expected.

"It's 9am, actually," she retorts, "and after I dropped your coffee off I was attacked by a fireball. I've been known to sleepwalk from time to time, but I had no idea you could sleep-magic."

"Oh, sorry. I, um…" I'm trying to improvise some excuse, but this hangover is making me a bit slow. Maybe I should take those aspirin now.

"It's fine, you don't have to explain," Emma says as I reach over for the pills by my bed, "I dodged it, then fixed the wall it hit with _my_ magic. I think I'm kind of getting the hang of it! But I thought I should wake you up before you burned your house down."

"Mhm…" I groan as I roll over again and close my eyes. I realize I'm in the same clothes I wore yesterday. I must have just crashed last night and never changed. I feel gross at the thought, but I don't want to get up. Not yet.

"Alright, well, _you're welcome._ I'm off to do Sheriff-y things and deal with ex-best-friend-dragon-babies. See you, Regina."

She walks out and I force an arm up to sloppily wave goodbye without opening my eyes again. I aim my hand to plop back down on a pillow so I can grab it and use it to cover my eyes from the blaring sun shining through the window Emma revealed. I don't want to go back to sleep after that dream. I just need a few minutes of peace.

…

A few minutes turned into about twenty, and I didn't make it to the office until 10:30. The aspirin has kicked in but I'm still feeling pretty groggy.

"Mom! Mom!" I smile instinctively at the sound of my son's voice as I walk through my office door. "I wanted to stop by and see you since I didn't get to last night." He hugs me tightly. I can't believe how big he is. I don't think I will ever get used to hugging my sweet boy when he's almost as tall as I am. I return the greeting and embrace him with my head leaning into his.

"Aren't you supposed to be in school?" I ask, though I don't really mind that he's here either way. Henry makes everything feel right in the world.

"Grandma said I could come by here if I finished my research paper," he assured me, pulling out of my arms and reaching for his backpack, "but I need to be getting back. How are you? How was the trip? Did you find Robin?"

I force myself to keep smiling as I search for an answer. "That's… a lot of questions to answer for someone who needs to be getting back to school. I had a long night. Why don't we talk about it when I've had some time to process everything and don't look and feel so disgusting."

"Don't say that, Mom," Henry says, looking up at me with a precious smile, "You look beautiful!" This boy melts my heart and I smile back at him and kiss his cheek.

"She does, indeed."

I straighten my back quickly as the voice at the door startles me. Robin stands in the entryway. My face feels warm and the pit in my stomach returns after a short-lived period of relief. I feel a twinge in my chest as the images of Robin from my dream flood through my mind. His hands caressing Zelena's face, his hips thrusting between her legs. It's too much to bear. I want to scream, but remember Henry standing next to me. I seal my eyes shut and turn my face from Robin. I have to clear my mind, get those images away.

"Pardon me if I'm interrupting. I did not mean to startle you." He says.

Henry responds before I can, "You're not interrupting! I was just leaving. I'm sure you two have a lot to catch up on…" he says gleefully and walks toward the door. _How do I explain this to Henry?_

Robin shuts the door after Henry leaves and walks slowly toward me. He looks sad and tired, like he hasn't slept in days. I wonder what he's been doing, how he's handling the news with Roland, if he's glad to be reunited with his merry-men in the camp. But then I remember the kind of reunion I wished to have with him, how vastly that moment was torn apart. I turn around quickly and act like I'm looking for something on my desk.

"I'm busy, Robin. Now is not a good time." I say, trying to sound forceful, as though I'm commanding him to leave.

I hear him approaching me as I fumble through papers. Suddenly his hand rests on my hip, his thumb circling the hem of my skirt. I swallow a gasp so he doesn't think he affects me. "Regina…" he says quietly.

"What?" I reply, meaning to sound angry, but the word came out in a whisper. I want to run out of the room but I can't move. His touch makes my legs feel too weak. His strong presence behind me causes my breath to hitch in my throat. He brings his other hand to my body and presses himself against me, his head leaning against the back of mine.

"I'm not here to argue or convince you of anything. I know it will only be in vain. All I can say is that I love you. You are my soul mate and the love of my life. I only want you. I miss you."

My eyes close and I start struggling for a breath. I do love him, more than anything, but I'm so angry and feel so betrayed. Tears stream down my face. I can't hold them back. I'm glad Robin is behind me so he can't see.

His hands move: first to explore my waist, then they wrap around my stomach as he pulls me even further into him. I breathe harder and feel his breath on my neck become labored at the same time. One of my hands subconsciously finds his on my stomach and I link his fingers with mine. I move my other hand to his head behind me and run my fingers through his thick, soft hair. I smell forest on him again and I recall our first kiss at his campsite. We were so free to love each other then—nothing was in the way of our being together. I smile at the memory and lean my head back onto his shoulder. One of his hands moves from my stomach to slide the sleeve of my shirt off my shoulder. His lips hungrily kiss my neck and a small moan escapes from my lips. Each touch and breath gets more intense and I feel his arousal against my back growing harder. I feel tension in my core and a pool of wetness forms as he groans into my ear. His fist gathers the material of my blouse and tugs it from under my skirt, allowing his hand to find the skin of my abdomen. Then he slides his rough, warm, strong hand down to release the tension he's causing in me. He inches closer and closer to my center and I find myself desperate for him. _He feels so good, so right. I need him. I want him. I don't want him to stop. I need him to p—_

"Wait! Stop!" I suddenly demand. I move, which causes Robin to stumble a few steps backward. I gain my composure and fix my shirt. I wipe away any remnant of my tears and move to the other side of my desk. I meet Robin's eyes. I know what I want to say but I'm afraid I'll start to cry again.

"I'm sorry, Regina, I didn't come here to—"

I hold my hand up to stop him and shake my head. "I know," I say, "I know you didn't." I breathe as deeply and evenly as possible as I prepare to speak, but my throat is tight. "I want this, Robin." My voice is quiet and shaky. "I do want you and I do love you. Otherwise I wouldn't feel so hurt. But right now, I just can't stop thinking about you with _her_." At that, I have to look away from him in order to keep from crying. I breathe and try to fight my way through my last sentence. "I just need some time."

I don't even know if I really mean it, but it seems to fit in the moment. Right now, I want to be alone and want to be able to think about Robin without picturing him in bed with someone else. But there's also a part of me that doesn't want too much time away from him. _How is that possible?_ I think. _I want him, but it hurts to be near him._

He nods, and after a few moments, he turns away reluctantly and walks out of my office. I lean back and feel a sense of relief.

But then, just a moment later, that feeling of relief is displaced and the ache of his absence overwhelms me. I lay my head on my desk and weep. I weep because he hurt me, because he betrayed me, and because he's gone. Weeping is all I can do.


	4. Revenge

I hear my mother's voice linger over me in my office, like her breath escaped from the grave to haunt my nightmare of a day. "Stop being so weak, Regina," she whispers, "It's not very becoming."

I lift my head; my face feels hot as it contorts into an angry snarl and furrowed eyebrows. Heat and impulse boil inside me at her condescending words. " _I am NOT WEAK!"_ I scream, shoving several objects off my desk. I stand and strain my neck to the left, pulling until a satisfying _pop_ is released. A familiar feeling consumes me—I'm in control of my body and yet simultaneously outside of it, a feeling of power and indignation, an insatiable desire. I stand taller, close my eyes, and take a long, deep breath, welcoming the nostalgic feeling, like reuniting with an old lover. My lips curve into an unintentional grin, a smirk, perhaps. One word fills my mind: Revenge.

I'm walking toward my vault in a haze of my own presence. My feet seem to strut to their own beat, refusing to slow down for any person or thing in my path. I could have transported myself to my destination and arrived more quickly, but the aura of my power increases with each quick and confident step. Muffled voices in the distance call for me, question me, but I am too engrossed in my plans to destroy Zelena to yield.

Bottles of potions and books of magic surround me when I arrive at my vault and I find a sick pleasure in the anticipation of finding the right vessel of destruction. I begin with my mother's old spell book, thumbing through the pages, basking in the euphoria of each dark spell I find, allowing my imagination to run free with the most excruciating scenarios for my sister. I stop and sneer as I land on page 766. Laughing, I make my way toward the potions to find the ingredients of the spell entitled: Indelible Demise.

One by one, I carefully test each ingredient and muscle memory takes over as I practice my beloved craft. Such a spell must not be hastily prepared. Each element is integral to the pain I intend to cause. They must be pure and potent. I finish purifying the last ingredient and carefully measure the exact amount—

"Regina?" A soft and hesitant voice interrupts my sacred process. I roll my eyes and slowly turn to address the intruder. "I don't know what you're doing, but I get the feeling it is not a good idea."

Emma. Of course. I return to my work before replying. "You've marred all of my other plans, Miss Swan, I suppose it makes sense that you would attempt it again." I'm unimpressed with Emma's tactics. I'm the most powerful queen in all the realms. She can barely stand up straight long enough to perform her magic. She poses no threat to me. "But I'm afraid you're out of your league here. You'll have to do better than _this_ to stop me," I say, waving a hand toward her.

"I know", she says, "which is why I brought backup when I saw you coming over here."

I face her again, this time more inquisitively to see what she means. She nods to someone in the opening of the stairs and footsteps trail down slowly. Robin appears seconds later with his hands held up in front of him, as though he expects me to hurl a fireball at him as soon as he is in view.

"Regina—"

" _HIM?"_ I march toward Emma, power and rage surging through my veins. "You thought _he_ would be able to stop me? He helped cause this, you ignorant little girl."

She steps back. As she should, inferior as she is, I _expect_ her tobe intimidated. "We thought this might be about Zele—"

"Shut up!" I straighten, letting my presence fill the room. Turning and pacing slowly towards Robin, I decide to explain my plan for him in slow, simple terms. Terms fit for a fool.

"Yes," I begin, being sure to keep my voice low and dark. "This _particular_ spell is for my bitch of a sister. But you're even more of a moron than I thought if you think I will stop there." I position myself before him with strength, my face inches from him. "You, _thief,_ will pay for what you've done to me." A hitch in my breath makes my voice crack and I feel my throat tightening. _No, do not be weak._ I look directly into his eyes, though mine burn as I refuse to let tears form. "You will sit here in my vault, bound by a holding spell, and you will be forced to watch as I _fuck the life_ out of every man I deem satisfying." His eyes grow wide with horror at my words. My efforts to hold back my tears fail. My anger and despondency overcome me as I resolve to put Robin through the feelings of betrayal he caused me. The image of Zelena writhing under Robin in my dream flashes through my mind. Tears fall down my cheek. I push myself up against him to make him long for me, to fuel jealousy throughout him. I run my hands up and down his chest. "You'll watch me moan, sweat, and scream the names of countless other men as they touch every inch of my body, while I ride them hard… fast…" I let out a breathy, sexual, moan into his ear. He looks away with what looks like anger and hurt. More tears soak my cheeks, but my plan is working and I can't succumb to weakness.

"Stop it. This isn't really what you want. This isn't you." Robin says.

I laugh and step back, turning once again to finish the last touches of my spell. "Like you really give a damn about me and what I want," I say, and pour the finished product into a tube. Emma and Robin have dampened the euphoria I felt minutes ago, but there is still a satisfaction in its completion.

"Regina, that's not fair."

"He's right. This isn't you anymore, Regina," I had almost forgotten that Emma was here. She continues, but I keep my back to her, sealing and admiring my freshly concocted potion. "You can't let yourself back into this place. You've come too far. You are _not_ the Evil Queen now."

I whip back around and throw Emma against a wall.

"Regina! Stop!" Robin yells.

" _Shut up!"_ I yell. How dare she tell me who I am. "I play nice with you, Swan, but you are _not_ my babysitter, not my mother, and _definitely not my friend_. You have no idea who I am and what I'm capable of. Stay. Out. Of my way."

"No," she replies, and I raise my eyebrow in unimpressed amusement. "You're letting your emotions cloud your judgment and when this powerful rage comes over you it changes you. This is you years ago, not now. If you would just calm down and think about what you're doing—"

I clutch the potion and start walking toward the stairs to leave the vault. I won't listen to Emma. I don't want to calm down or think about what I'm doing. I want to feel good, and this is the best I've felt in a long time. Revenge feels good. I push past Robin at the bottom of the stairs. He grabs my arm and pleads with me to listen to him but I keep walking and head towards the exit.

As soon as I walk outside, I hear several pairs of footsteps in the woods. I turn to my left to see David and Mary-Margaret walking toward me, looking concerned. They probably serve as more of Emma's so-called "back up". I roll my eyes, put the potion in my jacket pocket, and bring my hand up to make myself vanish.

I freeze and gasp for air. My heart pounds through my chest and blood rushes to my head, anxiety suddenly swirls through me. _No. Not like this. He can't see me like this._

It's too late. Henry walks forward to pass David and Mary-Margaret before I can vanish. Panic surges through me and I can't move—can't breathe.

He stares at me. His wide, innocent eyes full of shock and sympathy. "Mom… What's going on…"


	5. Torn

Panic surges through my chest at the sight of my son. I feel my feet connect with the earth, as though the Evil Queen jerked out of my body and left Mayor Mills to pick up her mess. Although I was fully aware of my actions, I look around and take in everything I had done and was planning on doing. I'm not sorry, but I am. I do want revenge, but when I meet Henry's eyes I'm reminded of the good that comes out of being a hero.

 _Hero._ The word still makes me shiver a bit when it is applied to me.

"Mom?" He asks again.

I don't know what is right or wrong: why does everyone seem to think doing _nothing_ is right? To me, it seems weak. To me, Zelena deserves what's coming to her. To me, revenge is right. But Henry's pure and honest eyes tell me otherwise. Whatever the answer is, I know that I don't want him to know this side of me.

"Henry, I'm afraid this is something you are a little too young to understand." I'm searching for a way around this—a way to win without involving Henry, but he gives me a look that tells me he doesn't believe me.

"I think we should be the judge of that." Mary Margaret steps forward, crossing her arms. I want to be annoyed with her, but the longer I'm separated from the Evil Queen side of me, the more guilty I feel. And I haven't done anything yet.

The sun is setting. I must have lost track of time while creating the potion.

Emma and Robin run out from the vault. "Good, she's still here," Emma says with relief. I notice my spell book in her hands and my stomach drops. She brings it over to the Charmings.

"We found this with by whatever it was she was making, but neither of us can read it." At that last part, my shoulders ease and I let out the air I didn't realize I was holding in.

"It's nothing important," I interject, hoping to end the inquiry.

"Let me see that," David says, taking the book from Emma. "Looks like Elfish. I studied this a little in the Enchanted Forest."

"Who knew Fairy Tale Land was so educational," Emma says.

I start stepping backward, fearing their reactions, guilt continuing to build up inside me.

"This word here," David points then looks up at me with wide eyes, "I don't know the exact word, but the root of it has to do with irreversible death."

"Is that true, Mom?" This is what I wanted to avoid at all costs—for Henry to see me as a monster.

"Please," I plead quietly, "Not in front of my son."

David walks closer to me slowly, but instead of the anger I expect, I see care and maybe even understanding. I stop moving back and listen to what he has to say.

"None of us blame you for wanting revenge; we would all be lying if we said we didn't want it for you. But this isn't the way. Let us help you, let us figure this out together."

I feel tears forming behind my eyes again. I can't let go of my plan quite yet, but I might be willing to hold off to see if we can find a better solution as a team. Snow, Charming, Emma, and Henry have been there for me when I least deserved it, and trusted me after a lifetime of torturing and lying to them. I don't want to lose their trust now. Not after everything we've been through.

"But right now, we need to know," David continues, "Was this spell intended for Zelena or Robin?"

"It was for Zelena," Robin speaks up. He hasn't looked at me since he came out of the vault. He avoids even looking in my direction, choosing instead to stare at the ground. "She has…" He glances between Henry and Snow as he picks his words, "…other… plans for me." A lump in my throat forms and I remember all the things I said to him just minutes ago. He looks like he is in physical pain. I may be angry, but seeing him like this makes me ache.

"No! Stop this!" Everyone looks at me when I finally decide that I should have a say in this situation. "I should _not_ be the one feeling guilty right now." More tears make their way to my cheeks. God, I hate it when they do that. I take a second to breathe and look up, hoping to get the tears to reverse. I know that I need to go with them, but I hate this more than anything. I bring my head back down and land my eyes on Emma, tears still betraying me, staining my face. "This isn't fair," I can barely get the words out.

Emma's guard seems to fall. "I know," she says.

"Not doing anything feels weak and pathetic." I recall my mother's belittling words in my ear. "When I let myself become the Queen again, I felt strong, like I was doing something about my pain. Revenge… _just fits_. Why can't you see that?"

"It doesn't take strength to give in to your emotions, Regina," Emma says, and I see Robin walk away out of the corner of my eye. I clench my jaw and shake my head as more pain and tears take over. "It takes strength to go against what you feel in order to do what's right. 'Weak and pathetic' is hurting someone who has no power and no chance against you." She walked toward me. "When I held a gun to Lilly's head, the easiest thing to do would have been to kill her right then and there, but _you_ gave me strength. _You_ reminded me that I would lose everything if I became a murderer. You told me that the journey back wasn't worth it, that I was better than that. And now I'm telling you. _You're better than this, Regina._ "

I remember that moment, fearing the look in Emma's eyes that reminded me too much of myself, too much of a villain—cold, dark, merciless.

She's right. Walking away from what I feel is hard. It takes more strength than it would for me to use the potion on Zelena right now. I nod, acknowledging that I understand, and that I'm ready to move forward with them. But the thought of going back to my house or my office makes me uneasy.

"I… um…" I hesitate. The last thing I want to do is to feel like I need babysitting, but I know what I need to do. "I don't trust myself enough to be alone right now."

"You can stay with us for as long as you need, Regina." Mary Margaret offers.

Henry smiles and walks over to me. "You can take my bed and I'll take the couch! You might not like the Wolverine blanket, but it is still comfy!" He sounds excited to have me. I smile and hug him.

David puts his arm around his wife. "Lets go and grab some dinner at Granny's. I'm starving!"

Everyone agrees and we start walking toward the diner. I go with them, smiling and feeling like myself again. Rage is far less tangible when I'm with these people. They make me laugh and give me a sense of belonging. I'm happy to join them. I pace myself, realizing how much energy I've expended. The air is bitter with cold, so I shove my hands in my pockets to keep them warm. The feeling of glass against my fingers causes me to pause.

"Regina? What is it?" Mary Margaret stops with me, concerned.

Still in my pocket, I spin the glass vial 360 degrees through my fingers.

"Nothing," I reply, "I just…" I should tell her, hand it over so I don't do something I will regret. She will understand.

"Thank you." I let the vial drop to the bottom of my pocket again and keep my hands hidden as I speak. "…For being there for me. Thanks."

Her look of concern is replaced with an obnoxious amount of care. "You're family," she smiles, "whether you like it or not, you're stuck with us."

She puts her arm around my shoulders and I roll my eyes, but smile slightly as we continue walking to Granny's.


	6. The Calm

The comfort of the Charming's home allowed me to breathe after dinner. Being around the only people I trust gives me a chance to relax, and listening to their antics lets me settle my mind for a while. Though everyone was still chatting in the living room, I quietly made my way up the stairs to Emma and Henry's bedroom, kicked my shoes off at the foot of Henry's bed, let my coat fall off my shoulders to the floor, and plopped myself down onto his animated comforter. A wave of utter exhaustion hit me. I haven't slept well in days and so much had happened that I was struggling to process: Zelena. Marian. Robin. The whole thing had been a hoax that Zelena used just to hurt me. Well, it worked. And now she's pregnant. Robin in the woods- He couldn't look at me. The awful things I said to him in the vault. The awful things I said to Emma. It's all just too much.

A gentle hand lands on my shoulder. "Mom?"

"I'm fine, Henry," I say too quickly—like a reflex. I should try that again. I sit up and look into his bright, concerned eyes. "I'll be fine. You need to get some sleep."

"I know, I just wanted to say goodnight. Do you need anything?"

"No, dear. But thank you." I kiss his head and he turns to pick up the coat and shoes I lazily slipped out of. My stomach drops as I remember the vial in my coat pocket. I know my eyes must be wide and bugging out of my head as I watch him hang it on a coat hanger in the corner of the room. When it is successfully hung and no disasters occurred, I breathed out with a sigh.

"Time for bed, kid. Just put sheets and blankets on the couch for you."

Emma and Hook appeared in the room's entryway. I'd forgotten that Hook had met us for dinner.

Henry wished me goodnight and walked towards Emma, who kissed the top of his head and nudged him down the stairs. I couldn't help but stare curiously at the couple in front of me. Hook was first to notice.

"Problem, love?"

"You two don't… I mean I know you don't… But not with Henry in the room… Do you?"

Both parties laughed at the suggestion.

"With Prince and Princess Overprotective downstairs?" Emma snorted, "Please, Killian doesn't stay here even when Henry is with you!"

Of course, that makes sense, but I am still a little relieved.

"I'm just here to say my goodbyes and make sure everyone is well," Killian offered, "is there anything you need before you sleep, my queen?"

He used the word playfully, but it still stung. The _queen_ is too close to home after the night I've had.

"Unless you can conjure up a way for me to cease existing, you're useless to me, pirate."

"Alas, I cannot. My apologies," he replies with a charming smirk. "Sleep well."

Hook nodded his head towards me to say goodbye and strode towards Emma, who was at her dresser searching for clothes to sleep in. I know it might have been inappropriate or rude, but I couldn't keep from watching them, even though a sting of jealously pounded my chest.

Emma let out a small squeal as Hook turned her to face him and lifted her off the floor in a sweet embrace. "Sweet dreams, my love," he said. The encounter made me smile and hurt simultaneously. Emma took his face in her hands and kissed him goodnight before she ushered him out.

"So how the hell do you two _get it on_ if the Charmings house is off limits?" I had to ask. Things weren't adding up.

"Killian has a place at Granny's… and a pretty vacant ship." She smirks as she replies. Obviously. I should have put that together. It seems I'm more tired than I realized.

I changed into soft, silk pajamas with the flick of the wrist and was getting under Henry's covers when I noticed Emma looking in my direction, fidgeting on her bed.

"What, Swan? Let's get this over with."

"Sorry, it's just… A lot happened tonight and I know you won't be able to stop thinking about it anyway so…"

"Out with it." I don't need her to explain herself to me. I just want to get through this talk and go to bed.

"It's not that I want to talk about everything. I get most of what you were doing. But… What you said your revenge was for Robin…"

My stomach drops. I know what I said and I meant every word. I want him to feel the betrayal I feel. But at the same time, I don't ever want him to be hurt.

"What about it?" I said sharply.

"I just think you'll regret it. And I don't want you to push yourself further from happiness. You two can still fix things, you know?"

"Emma, even if you disregard _who_ it was that he slept with, the fact still remains—the love of my life fu—" I remember that Henry and the Charmings are only a little more than an earshot away and lower my voice— "he fucked another woman. Probably as soon as they crossed over that damn town line."

"You know that's not true." Emma's eyes roll as she responds. "Look, I can't imagine the betrayal you feel. But you know Robin. You know how in love with you he is and you know how honorable he is. _If anything,_ he slept with Marian—Zelena—whoever the hell she was—because it was the honorable things to do. It was his duty to be with his wife. He did it out of guilt. Not out of a raw, passionate need like you told me about last night."

I'd forgotten that I told her about our night in the vault and almost felt embarrassed, but she was making sense. I nodded my head in agreement, and Emma got under her covers to lie down.

"Emma?"

"Yeah?"

"That stuff I said today… I didn't mean… just… you're a good friend and I'm sorry I said what I said to you."

Emma laughed under her breath. "After everything we've been through, Regina—you're not getting rid of me _that_ easy."

I smiled thankfully as she put her head down to sleep. But I couldn't stop thinking about what she said.

He is honorable. He probably did sleep with her just to be a good husband… Like it was a chore. He slept with _me,_ on the other hand because he loved me and couldn't keep himself from me. He wouldn't have been able to keep his hands off me that night in the vault if he tried.

I need to see him.


	7. Want

With one magical sweep of the hand I was standing in the forest in the middle of the merry men's camp wearing a dress meant to make any man beg- tight, dark purple, above the knee, but still classy.

I searched around the still forest. Everything was dark and quiet except for a campfire I headed towards. As I got closer, I heard talking and laughing. Closer still, I finally saw Robin. Every emotion welled up in me and I couldn't stop the words that loudly escaped from my mouth.

"Why did you sleep with her?"

In unison, ten or eleven merry men turned their gaze towards me. Then, as if in slow motion, each of them looked at Robin for an answer.

"Regina, what—"

"I need an answer, Robin. Right now. I have to know. Why did you sleep with her?"

Robin stood and walked quickly toward me, "Now is not the best time. Not here."

"Now _is_ the time. I need you to tell me what happened!"

There was a pause—a silence as he searched for motives behind my desperation. Finally relenting, he ushered me to the other side of the camp where we could be alone to talk. Once there, he checked to make sure no one would see us, then turned towards me but kept his eyes on the ground.

"I don't know what to say, Regina. I can't take it back. I wish I could, but…"

"I know," I said reassuringly, but still remaining distant. "I get that what's done is done. I don't need you to tell me _what_ happened. But I need to now how… why?"

I swallow back tears as I ask the question I fear the most.

"Did you… I mean, when you thought she was Marian… Did you… Did you still love her?"

It was a ridiculous question for me to ask. Of course he did. She was his first love. His love that came back from the dead… If Daniel had come back—maybe I've been to hard on him this whole time after all. I leaned back on the tree with my arms folded and head low as I waited for his answer.

"Honestly, I wanted to love her."

I close my eyes as if it will brace me for the punch.

"But I couldn't. Something was off the whole time."

I look up at him and the tension in my shoulder drops. _What did he just say?_

"Then why did you…" I ask, not knowing what to expect now.

"Regina, I thought she was my wife. I had been thinking about you and she could tell. She would guilt me constantly saying that I wasn't truly _there, with her._ And she was right. My heart was many miles away in Storybrooke, Maine."

I hold back a smile. I don't know if I can allow myself to feel relieved yet. Can I believe him? I want to.

"I'm a man of honor, Regina, and I needed to protect what I thought was my family. But being _honorable_ and sleeping with my wife felt like betrayal. I was disgusted with myself. And what's stranger still is that when I acted dishonorably and betrayed my wife one night in a vault, all I felt was love."

And with that, my lips crashed into his. His firm, but soft mouth receiving mine with surprise, but gladly. Our bodies both eager for one another, we each pull closer, longing to be together again. Robin's hands move frantically, yet sensually through my hair, to by back and ass, slightly lifting one leg up around him as he lean me back onto the tree, his other hand had come around to my stomach, just under my breast. His erection is strongly evident against my stomach and I have to bite my lip to keep from moaning.

Then suddenly he stops. We both catch our breath and he stares at me, looking worried, or maybe even afraid. My leg drops and he steps back, putting a small distance between us.

"Robin, what's wrong?" I say as I step forward in an attempt to close the offending gap. But he steps back again.

"Wait," he says.

I can't read him. Is he hurt? Worried?

"Robin… What's wrong?" I repeat.

"Earlier in the vault… You said some things about—"

He struggled to finish his sentence. I knew where he was going with this, but was he really that bothered by it? Was he that jealous for me?

"I need to know too. I need to know if you've… _been with_ someone else… to get back at me"

He couldn't even say it. I knew it would hurt him to an extent but this was more than hurt.

"Are you really that jealous for me?"

Robin's eyes meet mine again and he laughs in disbelief.

"Is that really a question? Answer me, Regina. I have to know… If any other man has touched you, I—"

I grabbed his hand and he looked at me with an intensity I'd never seen before.

"The last hands that touched this body were yours, Robin. I swear."

Suddenly his hands took hold my face and his mouth captured mine once more, possibly with even more urgency this time. His tongue found mine, a low, struggled moan escaping from my lips.

"I've missed you, my love." He breathed onto my skin as his kisses traveled down my chin and to my neck.

"You have no idea," I struggled to get out without sounding overly aroused, but completely failing.

His hands roamed every part of my body. He kneaded and pinched my breasts through fabric I was beginning to hate, then traveled to my stomach, then lower and lower until he found the legs hiding under the skirt of my dress, his kisses continuing to leave wet marks of possession at my collarbone. His hand on the flesh of my legs drives me nuts as he rubs and massages, but never where I need him most, and I leave all embarrassment and inhibition behind as I whimper for more of his touch. My breath labored, I reach down to grab the hem of my dress, desperate to pull it off, but Robin stops me, slowly raising my hand above my head, pinning it to the tree. He looks at me with want.

"Don't you dare deprive me of the opportunity to peel this dress off your body."

I smile, "You going to get it all the way off this time?" I tease.

Robin steps in closer, roughly, pulls my dress up to my waist, and presses his hips firmly against mine. I breathe in deeply and gasp for oxygen as I feel his very-ready sex against me. My hips involuntarily move, needing friction. I close my eyes, dying for him to keep going.

"Oh milady," he says, getting me back for my teasing remark, "you have my word that I will see every inch of your beautiful skin as your orgasm takes you to levels of pleasure you've never before experienced."

All I can do is look into his eyes and I know he means it.

He slowly, torturously lifts my dress up as he examines each new part of my body that he exposes. Once it was finally off of me and thrown aside, he stares, just for a moment, before crashing his body back into mine. We kiss and grab, wanting all of each other. I remove his vest and shirt, running my hands over his beautiful, built chest, kissing every bit of skin I can. I reach for the knot around his pants and struggle to untie it as he removed my bra and tackles my breasts, sucking, nibbling and licking my nipples one at a time. His fingers travel down and find my core. My body throws itself forward as he finds my swollen, needy clitoris.

" _Fuck…"_ I whisper, nails clawing his back. My profanity causes Robin to moan deeply, a sound that makes me even more aroused.

Suddenly his kisses make their way lower and lower as his hands remove my lace panties. A trail of wetness follows my belly button and finally his mouth reaches its destination. I gasp loudly and my hands fly behind me to hold onto the tree when he takes me into his warm mouth. His tongue laps the excessive amount of wetness pooled beneath me, then sucks, flicks, circles my hard, swollen clit. I'm so close, but this is not how I want to finish. I reach for his face and pull him back up to me, tasting myself in passionate kisses.

"Together," I say.

He smiles and kisses me as he finishes the work I started, taking off his pants. He then positions himself to enter me and takes my leg in his free hand, opening me up and keeping me sturdy at the same time. We both moan loud enough for the town to hear as he pushes himself deeply into me. He fills me and sensations shoot throughout my body. His hands now hold either my leg or my neck, his forehead against mine. I take his ass in my hands and pull him into me more, letting him know I'm adjusted and ready. His pace quickly turns from slow to erratic and passionate. I thrust my hips toward him, adding to the friction. I can feel myself tightening around his hardness. I know I can't last much longer.

"Robin, I'm going to…"

Before I can finish the sentence, my body is convulsing and I come undone as he holds me and watches me. Power and pleasure surge through me, moans and screams leave my chest. I hold on to Robin tightly and claw red marks onto his shoulders, earning an exasperating "fuck!" as he continue to thrust for me to ride out my orgasm to the end. Robin follows with a loud, guttural groan, slamming himself into my tender sex.

We finally catch our breaths and I start to laugh, still reveling in the feeling of Robin's chest against my breasts.

"What's so funny?" He asks.

"I may have implied to Emma last night that I'm too _regal_ to have sex in the woods."

We both laugh together for the first time in much too long. But then he takes me face in his hand and gently replies, "It will be our little secret."


	8. Twist

I went back to the Charmings' that night and slept like a baby. When daylight broke through, I could already smell coffee brewing and hear the quiet bustling of last night's roommates getting ready for the day. I was already smiling by the time my eyes opened.

"That's a sight I haven't seen in a few days… Nice dream?" Emma was making her bed.

"Something like that…" I knew I probably looked like a fool, but I couldn't get this stupid grin off my face. I stretch.

"Uh, no… there's more than a dream going on in that head of yours. What's up?"

I shushed and motioned for her to keep it down. Of all the people in this tiny loft—hell, this entire town—she's the only one I don't mind sharing with, but her loud ass mouth will give me away if she can't lower her voice.

When she realized I actually had something to say, her eyes got big and she quickly crept closer with intrigue.

"What? What is it?"

It was already a euphoric feeling to relive those moments. "I thought about what you said last night before we went to sleep. Well, before _you_ went to sleep. And… I went to see Robin."

" _WHAT?!"_

I had to shush her again.

" _You did?"_

I nodded.

" _But… What?! When? Were you… Did he… What?"_

All I could do was laugh at her reaction. This was kind of entertaining.

"Ok…" she said, "and you're smiling… so I'm guessing it went well?"

" _Very well,_ " I assured her. "It turns out screwing in the woods is much hotter than it sounds."

Emma's mouth fell open and I laugh once more.

"But I don't want the whole _world"_ (I motion downstairs toward the Charmings and Henry) "to know. So help me get this damn smile off my face!"

"Easy," Emma said, her tone more level, "Zelena's ultrasound is in an hour."

I feel my entire face fall and my emotions do a 180.

"That worked…"

"Sorry."

"It's fine. Back to reality. I guess that means I should get going. I'll meet you there."

Emma's hand stopped me before I could walk out. "Wait," she said, "I know you're doing better this morning, but…" she hesitated, as though she didn't want to offend, "are you sure you trust yourself to be alone?"

"It's one hour, Swan. I think I can manage."

"Ok," she said, getting up and moving to get something from her closet, "but I'm holding onto this for now."

My stomach twisted itself in knots when she held out her hand to reveal the carefully sealed potion I had made the night before. In a single moment I felt the deep guilt of having been caught, the fury of my privacy having been invaded, and fear that Emma would drop it and accidently kill herself or someone else.

My face must have given off the anger and fury part of all those emotions because Emma's actions leapt into defense.

"I haven't told anyone I found it," she said quickly and quietly, holding her hands in an "I surrender" position, as if to calm me down from the rage she expected, her thumb wrapped around the glass vial. "I knew that you left the vault with it last night, so I checked your coat this morning and found it. I'm not giving it back, but I want to be open with you, so I knew I had to tell you."

"Emma, you have no idea what you're holding. One wrong move with that vial in your hand and you're dead. Your magic might be powerful but it's nowhere near controlled enough to deal with _this._ " My warning was true, harsh, and a bit condescending. I meant it to be.

"I'm not going to do anything with it," she said, trying to reassure me, "I'm just holding onto it. I'll keep it safe, I promise. And no one has to know that you kept it. I just don't think it's wise for you to be the one holding it while we go to see Zelena."

I stare at her fiercely as I try to catch one of the hundred thoughts floating around my head, but I'm not in the mood to argue, so I walk away and head home. Sometimes my point comes across better without words anyway.

I met Emma outside the hospital and we walked down to the mental ward together. I made sure to remain cold and slightly distant from her to reiterate my disapproval from earlier. Déjà vu hit me over and over as the click of my shoes and the chill of the building took me back into the nightmare I had just a couple nights before. I kept pinching myself to make sure I wasn't actually dreaming again.

We walk past Zelena's cell and into a room down the hall that is more fit for medical exams. There, Zelena lay on an exam table where Dr. Whale was applying gel to her stomach for an ultrasound. Robin stood across the room from them, leaning against the wall with his eyes to the ground, arms folded. He must not have realized that I walked in.

"Well if it isn't my supportive little sister and her pretty little sidekick!" Zelena said, feigning excitement. I look at Robin—still nothing. He must feel awful that he's at a medical exam for the baby of his true love's sister. I guess I can understand that. But he won't even look at me.

"Yes, well, if I'm going to give up on being Snow's evil stepmother, I suppose I'll have to settle for _evil aunt,"_ I joke. Kind of. Zelena rolls her eyes. It must be an inherited habit.

"Everything looks fine. The baby is healthy, about 10 weeks along." Whale says. I squeeze my eyes shut. I don't want to think about the time frame.

"Great," I say, giving my best fake smile, milking all the sarcasm I can, "Now click your heels three times and go back to your humble cell. Should we start calling it Oz?"

"Happily!" Zelena hops up from the table with a little too much spring in her step. I'm beginning to feel suspicious. She walks toward Robin, who avoids any eye contact with the witch, and places her hand on his chest. My blood boils. She's trying to get a rise out of me. "I just want to thank my _dear child's father_ for this precious gift!" She strokes his face, he turns away. "Thank you Robin. Our baby is _so lucky_ to have you as a father!"

I take deep breaths. I refuse to let her petty games get to me.

Zelena walks past Emma and me, and security begins to handcuff her to get her safely to her room. Robin shakes Whales hand and heads toward the door.

"Hi..." I say sheepishly and a little seductively, touching his arm softly as he passes in front of me.

"Regina, Emma," he nods to both of us and walks down the hall.

I meet eyes with Emma, who, by the look on her face, agrees that his actions are strange given the information I shared with her this morning.

"Robin!" I shout, walking quickly down the hall to catch up. I ignore an idiotic grin on my sister's face as I briskly walk by her and the guards that are ushering her to her room. Robin slows and turns around looking confused or angry… or possibly both. I search his eyes for some kind of answer. "Robin, it's okay. I told Emma about last night. She knows everything."

"Told Emma?" He repeats, "why would you need to tell Emma anything? She was there!"

My head actually shakes involuntarily in shock at that statement. Emma and I share another, even more confused look.

" _What?!"_ We ask in unison.

Robin's tone starts to sound exasperated, like he's frustrated that _we_ don't understand _him._ "Emma was there when you made that potion and threatened to hurt me by sleeping with other men, Regina," his eyes look watery and angry as he speaks, "why on earth would you think you need to tell her about it?"

I thought we moved on from this. Why is he bringing it up now?

"No, Robin," I try to keep my voice calm. If he is still upset about what I did, I don't want to fuel the flame, but it's strange and, frankly, it's annoying that he's acting like we didn't just have sex. "I mean _last night…"_ I take a step forward to remind him of our intimacy. I rest my hand on his stomach and smile up at him, "I know we joked that sex in the woods would be our secret, but—"

" _What?!"_ Robin interrupts. _"Sex… The woods? Regina, have you gone mad?"_

My heart stops and I step back slowly. My mind goes in a million directions, wondering what is happening. Why is he doing this, being this way towards me? Was I dreaming again? What is—

"Just one moment gentlemen. You're not going to want to miss what happens next…"

 _ **Zelena**_.

I whip around to see the hospital guards opening the door to Zelena's room.

" _WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO?"_ I rush toward her in a fit of rage, eager to slap that ridiculous smile off her face.

Zelena moves her hands to her stomach to remind me that she's immune from harm for now. "Nah-ah-ah!" She says, wagging her finger. "You wouldn't want to hurt such a precious thing, now would you?"

I stop in front of her, never breaking my stare, fists balled up so I don't release fire.

"WHAT. DID. YOU. DO?" I say again, noticing that Emma and Robin are now close behind me.

"Well you see, dear sister," Zelena explains, ever so playfully, "it seems you've made many an enemy in your time as Evil Queen! And thankfully one of them decided to be my most regular visitor here in my new home, and we've devised a plan to further ruin your life!"

My nerves are on fire. I'm so angry I can't think straight. What is she getting at? What did she do? Who is she talking about?

Behind me, I hear a shuffle and a "No!" that Robin struggled to breathe out. I turn around to find him fearfully scurrying backward, his eyes wide and settled on something past me. Emma stands frozen, fixated on the same thing. She unintentionally murmurs something profane.

Terrified as to what I will behold, I slowly, reluctantly turn around, and then I see it.

My mind suddenly flashes to Robin's Manhattan apartment—Marian twisting a green pendant that hung around her neck, transforming herself into her true form—Zelena. My mind takes me back to the woods. A flash of green as I'm removing Robin's shirt in the midst of our passion and he quickly flings the chain around his neck to hang behind him.

The figure behind a grinning Zelena, and behind her confused guards had walked around the corner:

Robin.

Or, rather, someone disguised as Robin, with a green pendant hanging around his neck.

My mind loses control. I can't feel, and yet I'm feeling everything at once. How could I have missed it? My legs are weak and shaky. I can't breathe. I can't speak. Somehow I let out a whisper, "No… No…"

"Hello _milady_ ," the figure says mockingly, "that would be _me_ you had last night." His eyes lock onto the real Robin behind me. "You missed out, mate… I can still taste her…. She's delicious."

I'm frozen. I have no idea what to do. And even if I did, I'm not sure I could remember how to move to be able to do anything.

The imposter takes the pendant in his right hand. "Zelena was so kind to share her toys," he says, "As much as I've always hated you Regina, I've always wanted to know what it would be like to fuck you. You didn't disappoint. And you made it _so easy_."

His left hand rises to meet his right. He twists.

Jefferson.


	9. Jefferson

" _Jefferson…" My voice is deep, but more stable than expected. My emotions and memories shoot in all directions._

" _Jefferson? You're the guy that kidnapped Mary Margaret and me," Emma recalls with anger rising on each syllable. Our new enemy smirks with pride._

" _Who in the bloody hell is Jefferson?!" Most impatient of all, understandably, is Robin._

 _Finally Jefferson speaks up, sauntering toward me but looking at Robin, "An old… friend," he says, "though we always had this undeniable sexual tension between us. But as your 'true love' gained more power, she built more walls, and more hatred, pushing away anyone who cared, always—" he stops, much to my relief, realizing he's revealing too much, being too emotional. Composing himself, he turns to me, just an inch from my face, "—This bitch has ruined my life time and time again," he says with disdain._

 _My face feels hot and contorts into an angry snarl._

 _He continues to focus his eyes on me, but directs his speech to Robin. "Oh but how easy it was to make her palace walls fall down by playing the part of the sad, remorseful boyfriend. All it took was transforming into Will Scarlet for an hour of drinks and he was spilling everything I needed to know to get the clothes off the woman every man has dreamed of seeing." He brings his hand to my waist, sliding it up to my breast slowly, sucking in air through his teeth lustfully. My mind is telling me to hit his hand away but I can't move. Still paralyzed by shock. "A few reassuring words and pouty faces to make her beg for me to fuck the living hell out of—"_

 _A burst of movement and Jefferson is on the floor, holding his face in pain. Robin had taken him down in one, swift punch, and was now ushering me, with Emma's help, out of the building. My sister's laugh echoes in my ears as I'm removed from the situation._

"Do you think you can do that, Regina?" Snow's voice snapped me back to the present, where she, Charming, Robin, and Emma stood facing me in my office. I had been staring through the window behind my desk, replaying the scene in my head over and over.

"Think I can do _what_?" I ask impatiently. They always want something…

"We need to know your history with Jefferson," Charming chimes in, "If he has any particular grievances or weak spots with you. Zelena is just generally vengeful and unpredictable, but we might be able to stop another attack if Jefferson's revenge is specific."

My eyes roll. I don't know if I have the energy to divulge decades of history and I'm not even sure it's necessary. "Look, all you need to know is that I _did_ ruin his life. In this world and others. So maybe…" I pause to breath as my throat hitches. "Maybe I deserved what he did." My eyes start stinging and I fight the tears. I still can't believe it wasn't Robin I was with last night. But saying it out loud in front of people makes it more real. My heart sinks and my whole body feels heavy. "Besides, my history with Jefferson is… lengthy… and he's already gotten what I know he's always wanted most from me since we were young… to break my walls down, make me vulnerable with him. He even said it at the hospital."

Robin's hands are running through and pulling at his hair before he marches toward my desk angrily, "I need to know _everything_ there is to know about this bastard, Regina!"

"Oh, so you're speaking to me now! How nice of you." His head rolls back in annoyance as I bark at him sarcastically.

"Don't do that, Regina," he pleads.

"And he didn't get your walls down, Regina," Emma explains, "You were vulnerable with _Robin_ … Or you at least thought you were. But this Jefferson guy took something from you that you were giving to someone else. That won't satisfy him for long. We need to know what he could possibly do next. What does he really want from you?"

I stare at her for what seems like days. Suddenly I feel exposed and taken advantage of, as though I'm just now realizing what really happened. I exposed myself to one man, but another man actually took it. I'd tried to be vulnerable with Jefferson long, long ago, and could never allow myself to let him in. But with Robin, before everything went to hell, all I wanted was complete exposure and vulnerability. I don't know how to feel. My world seems like it's spinning. I only find a fraction of relief when I lay my head in my hands on my desk. I finally snap back with the loud thump and grunt of Robin punching the wall. He winces in pain. Anger is written all over him.

"Calm down," I say condescendingly, "We all know he can transform himself now so we will be more careful. No one else will mistake him for you…"

"You think I'm mad because this daft moron impersonated me?" He snaps back at me, tears in his eyes. "You're foolish if you really don't get it, Regina." His tone is becoming more and more heated. "I'm angry because he… _dammit Regina, he touched you! He deceived you and had sex with you!_ " Every single one of his muscles was clenched as his eyes glazed over my body and back to my face intensely, with longing and sadness. My heart softened towards him, and yet a weight added on to the heaviness I already felt.

"Would you all give Robin and me a moment?" I asked.

"Yeah, of course," Emma answered, "let's go get some lunch. We'll bring something back for you and Robin later." I nodded and they all exited, leaving Robin and me alone.

"It just felt like we needed to talk through this without an audience."

Robin paced a short span of the room, "Why don't we start with what happened last night?" He spoke while he paced, avoiding eye contact with me. "Because I'm _very_ curious as to what he said to you and how things _so drastically_ changed between threatening me in your vault to apparently taking your clothes off for me in the woods." He stopped momentarily to look at me, but as I met his eyes, his fists clenched and he turned away to pace again, letting out a frustrated grunt.

I agreed and started from the beginning. I explained what Emma and I had talked about and the conversation I had with "Robin" in the woods. He never quit pacing as he listened, rubbing his face in his hands and laughing in disbelief every once in a while. Finally, when I had finished, he stopped.

"It's everything I told Will Scarlet when he bought drinks for me the night before," he explained. "I'm such a fool."

"So, what he said was true? You slept with her because you felt guilty… to be honorable?"

He leans back on the edge of the couch and looks at me for what seems like an eternity with furrowed eyebrows, then takes a deep breath, closing his eyes and lightly shaking his head as he exhales. "Guilt, exhaustion from denying her, desperation to make my failing marriage work, yes. But honorable? None of my reasons were honorable, Regina. That's the difference between what he _thought_ I'd say and what the truth is." He held his head low, ashamed to look at me.

"Robin…"

"The other difference," he interrupts and his voice resumes its harsher tone, "is that my jealously for you is not petty and sad like this _Jefferson's._ My jealousy is burning my entire being with fury. I want him dead, Regina." He stands. "My jealousy is wrapped up in so much anger that I could truly kill him."

"So you can want Jefferson dead but I'm not allowed to even _think_ of ways to kill Zelena for sleeping with you?"

"I never said that."

I stand. My hands slap my desk. "You didn't have to! No one had to! You all stopped me from—"

I caught myself before I finished the sentence, realizing that there's a huge difference between thinking about it and following through.

"You have no right," I resolve, "at least I _intended_ to sleep with you."

"Why aren't you angry at him, Regina? He violated you!" He stood and marched toward me again.

I try to calm myself down, seeing that he's not simply jealous that someone slept with me, but because that someone took advantage of me. "I _am_ angry, Robin. But Jefferson and I… We have a lot of history. I've been… _intimate…_ with him before. I just never had sex with him. And I know he's always wanted that. Not that it makes things any better. I guess I just…" Finding the words to explain this situation felt impossible. "I deserve for him to treat me this way. I truly did ruin his life. We were close once, and then the Evil Queen was born."

"What the hell happened between you two?" Robin asked slowly, his face turning red. My mentioning the history I have with Jefferson is making him even angrier.

I want to open myself up to Robin again, but every time I have, I've had my happiness ripped from under me. But even through everything, I can't help but to love and trust him. He's more than my boyfriend, or ex boyfriend, or lover. He's my confidant. My best friend. I know that I can tell him anything and everything and he will still forgive and believe in me. But he's so angry right now. I'll talk to him, but I can't when he's like this.

Deep breath.

"Do you remember when you found me in the woods with that letter my mother wrote?" I walk slowly around my desk to the other side where Robin stands. "You were out hunting for flying monkeys and saw me, and then you—"

"Picked the note from your pocket and made you talk to me about it, of course I remember."

I see a glimmer of a grin in his eyes as we both fondly remember that moment.

"Something about you that day made me trust you enough to tell you things I'd never dream of telling anyone else. And if that wasn't enough, I also entrusted my heart to you."

His shoulders drop and a half-smile rises in his lips. _There's my Robin._ I allow my hand to rest on his arm, but gently—careful not to set off this ticking time bomb of a man. I lean in slightly, searching for his eyes until they meet mine.

"Since then, my heart has been in Rumple's hands, Zelena's possession, and back into my chest, but it has only ever _belonged_ to you. It still does. Jefferson will never have my heart."

Robin listens intensely and finally nods.

"I want to tell you everything," I say, "but I can't if I feel like you're not _you._ Especially now, after what just happened."

Robin's eyes finally widen from anger to understanding and he sighs.

"I'm sorry, Regina. It's just…" His hands come up to my shoulders, but he keeps his gaze down, his voice strains. "I can't stand the thought of someone else touching you, kissing you… It's driving me crazy."

"I know the feeling," I reply, my hands cupping his face to get him to look into my eyes again. When he does, his watery eyes move me to place a simple, sweet kiss on his lips, which he receives more willingly than I though he would.

His hands move to pull me closer, circling my waist, melting into my kiss as tension starts to leave his body. I can't help but to wonder again how fooled I was last night. Robin's kiss is so much sweeter and stronger, so much more focused. His hands move with more purpose. I must have been so desperate to reunite with him to have forgotten this familiar feeling.

" _Dammit!"_ I exclaim and pull back from his kiss.

"Love, did I bite you? I'm sor—"

"No, no… It's Jefferson. I didn't just take vulnerability and sex from him." I breathe heavily as I put my thoughts together, holding onto Robin's shoulders as fear and worry begin to grip me. "I took him from his daughter."

Robin's face starts to match mine in worry as he realizes what I'm suggesting. We come to the same conclusion in unison.

"Henry."

We run out of my office and toward the school. The Charmings and Emma meet us with their takeout bags from Granny's, they must have been on their way back.

"Mary Margaret, who is substituting for you? Did Henry make it to school this morning?" I say hastily and I know I sound accusatory, but everyone knows I don't mean it.

"He took the bus, I'm sure he's fine!" She says. "Ella is subbing for me."

"Ella?" David questioned. "But she was working at the day care this morning when I dropped off Neal."

A piercing silence stung each of us. I can tell I'm not the only one who feels like I've been hit with a bulldozer at the comprehension that we've all been fooled again. I make eye contact with Emma, whose fear is physically evident.

"Shit!" She yells. And that's all we needed to get everyone running.

Jefferson can mess with me, but if he lays a hand on my son, he's done.


End file.
